Streetlamp sentinels. My sister. Somehow the streetlamps protect me. But the streetlamps are all my sister. LIke she stands out all night every night protecting me. But from what. Who are the waterfalls of light supposed to protect me from and why? These dreams. They don't mean anything. I am hidden in a dark park by the only light for fathoms. I don't see how light can protect me. And how can she be out there with Niece to protect.
It was a great day yesterday. I walked to borough and saw a sleighing skateboarder pulled by a bull mastiff. I got my freedom handed to me in a mismanaged message that must have misfired the world over. My greatest friends helped me to get my business off the ground. And, at night I got to sup with the old man himself.
Still it is like I am in a vice. These dreams are too much. I need to tie rocks to my ankles to keep my feet on the ground. I have a path in front of me I cannot walk from up in the clouds. But keeping my mind from the clouds is nearly impossible. I need blinkers; I am no horse.
Elliot seems to be screaming at me in one ear, and a crowd of mangled dreams in the other. I don't think names are supposed to be posted here but there it is.
I hired two DVD's last night; distractions aplenty. If I can just keep my head down and look forward, I have enough to do to fill my time.
Spare time terrifies me. Those moments where you have nothing to occupy your mind and slippery thoughts of sex trickle into your consciousness. But in no good way. Because they open a shinning door to a tsunami of images and people I don't know. But I do know them and that is the point. All of them want attention at the same time and I can't hear anything but yelling white-noise.
I sometimes fear that the way my mind works causes things to happen.
In some of these images I see the same thing.
Someone like me.
Not just like me. He is me.
I am rambling.
A tea party discussion on my families historical impressions on religion didn't help any. It was nice to see the grandma. Perhaps she did this to me. The truly scary part is that I think I saw her as a young girl sneaking into a military base to see her american boyfriend in WW2. But I am sure that is a story I have heard before. My mind could easily conjure that up. I don't think she told me that he dressed her up as a colonel to sneak her out and back home in a company jeep.
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