Sunday's are a weird day. I have never understood whether it is the week start or the week end. If I was looking at it in terms of the Sabbath my head suggests, week start. But in reality it doesn't matter; after morning ablutions and breakfast, I went for a walk and had a good chat with God.
There are certain things required of humans; like doubt and limited attention and stupidity, but I get the feeling that these go away out of time. Generally they are all temporal things, so without time they would be pointless. So I am guessing they're part of the human condition; I do love faith though. I wonder whether it is an outcropping of time too; a solution to doubt and shame and fear.
At Burleigh Borough I had a good chat with anybody. It is going to be a full-on week this week, and I tend to avoid contact when that happens. I looked at the new alleyway that is going in, and discussed an alternative with a random. He seems to have a definitive formula to business.
I walked home and started on a new idea. I needed to get the concept down, so I can leave it alone to percolate and present a solution.
Lunch-on, I headed back to Burleigh for a whole family gathering with cousin; on a short 'naming trip'. It was nice.
But with it all, I couldn't help to notice the beige of my life. Business is beige. Success is beige. Life seems beige.
I don't want to be beige.
Not that I want to be purple either, like Epictetus. But I am so very tired of monochromatic. I have to have faith that colour will come along. And that I will have the strength to remained underwhelmed. But I think I would accept overwhelmed for colour.
Lunch-off, I headed home and got back to work. I didn't mean too, but when you are beige, what else is there to do. I felt broken.
I am not broken. I am the same. Yet I have seen the colour world through my broken looking glass and now yearn for it. I stick with distraction like it is my oldest friend; filling my time to prevent the intrusive thoughts that come with hope and fear. What have I done?
I choose to love. I choose to trust. I choose to want. Faith is all that protects me. That wondrous knowledge that can make any emotion safe.
If I must be beige, I will be beige. I don't want to be beige anymore.
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